Who let the dogs out ??

How many DOGS are there should be the question ? Lets see, we have Angel and Sammy. They LOVE to bark and carry on because I guess that is something that just comes naturally. They bark at anything that moves and if they can make something move that normally does not move they will do that and bark anyway. Once they get bored at creating their own amusement they then bark at Fergus across the street who is Nurse Shannon's dog who has been abandoned in Chuck's yard for the last several years. Fergus and Sammy and Angel all love to holler back and forth and back and forth all day long if given the opportunity. I have found that if I schedule a SFE (scheduled flyswatter event) on Sammy's short little body that it tends to cause him to stifle the noise. Tracking him down and actually hitting him with the flyswatter can be an aerobic event. The fact that I know I am going to have to chase him around and around the tree sometimes causes me to be lazy and just threaten him from the porch. Sometimes that works and sometimes it does not. I am glad that he can not get on the Internet and read my blog. That would just ruin it for me altogether. Oh yes, lets not forget the mutts up the street. They like to bark all hours of the day and night and all that needs to happen to set them off is for the wind to move one single leaf on ANY tree located within 20 square miles of their back yard. Is it still unlawful to kill someone else's dogs? Most days I don't want to kill the neighbors dogs (or birds for that matter (snicker) but I would like to find the mute button. Can I find some pills that will instantly mute the dogs in the neighborhood? You know, they open mouth to bark and NO SOUND comes out.
I need to research that immediately. I thought about buying a dart gun and some tranquilizer darts but that would mean that the event UDE (unscheduled dart extraction) might be seen by a neighbor and then the local police department would have to have an UV event (unscheduled visitation) which we certainly dont need.

Now that I am sharing my lovely story about the CND (canine noise dilemma) I am reminded that atleast one of the children (not mentioning names) (yet) (snicker) from our little commune (SLC) (slumlord commune) down at the bottom of our hill (gully?) has taken barking lessons from the dogs. Instead of barking though the child stood in the middle of the street the other day (OMG) (@v@) and screamed at such a regular and high pitched interval it caused a UCC (unscheduled child chasing) by yours truly. Luckily for the child I was having visions of all the calories that I was going to have to burn to get off my rear end , put on my shoes and launch myself out the door, across the porch, down the stairs and over the ditch. Gosh, that would have been worth video taping huh ? Luckily for me I counted the cost and just inserted my ear plugs (STILL heard the child anyway) and tried to tune them out.

I have to share another event with you. Are you surprised? Angel is experiencing a OMGIAIH event (Oh my gosh I am in heat) which in turn has caused a OMGIAHE (Oh my gosh I am horny event) for Sammy. Things have been interesting around here lately. Can you imagine Sammy running all around the house chasing Angel for all he is worth with tongue hanging out? (not going any further with that mental picture @@). I think that the hormones have gotten to poor Angel though because we saw her turn the tables by starting to chase Sammy around the house and taking on some male tendencies that I probably wont bother with describing. (@@) Lets just say that we have had to make sure that we have all had to resort to wearing tennis shoes, knee high socks and knee pads just in case Sammy comes running around the corner of the house and mistakenly identifies one of us as a 60 pound Lab.......

Meanwhile back at the ranch we can see a cloud of dust in the distance as the herd of saber toothed space chickens are headed in our direction. I can see that Paul Bunyon is going to have to run fetch the gun so we can defend ourselves..... Maybe Nurse Shannon and the REAL man in her life can learn how to kill and pluck SPACE CHICKENS......... I wonder if they are edible??