We spent the last couple of days looking at "cheaper" accomodations. Oh my gosh. The places that I found for 200.00 or 300.00 less than what we are paying are not fit for a dog to live in. Do I live in a mansion now and do I have a pride problem going on here? Absolutely not. I can garuntee you that these places are fully qualified rat traps complete with broken windows, tons of rust and lots of missing pieces. One trailer park owner assured us that he intends to renovate. I told Katy and the kids that the only renovation option left to this guy is to drop a nuclear device in the middle and start over after the radiation kills off all of the garbage that is there now.

Living out of our cars and being homeless are just not an option as you can imagine. I spoke with my landlord today and he told me he would be willing to reduce our rent to 600.00 per month and as long as we paid that amount anytime during that month that he would allow us to remain. Once we find gainful employment and are back on our feet then he will raise the rent back to 750.00. That is the BEST offer that I have gotten to this date. I told him that I certainly appreciated his willingness to help us and that we would be more than able to accomplish this task with what we are receiving in unemployment.

If the cell phones have to be turned off then so be it. If cable has to go then so be it. We will have to do what we have to do to make sure we have a roof over our heads while we are looking for gainful employment. After driving around for the last two days looking at rat traps and the accomodations that others have to live in I feel SUPER blessed and we are MORE than motivated to do what we need to do to stay where we are.

This evening Katy got a call from the manager at a Chucky Cheese. They have several openings and Katy has an interview at 2:30pm on Monday. We got a big kick out of the fact that they have an opening for one of the characters. That would certainly be appropriate for me since I can be a character at times.

On two seperate occasions today I was reminded of the loss of our Jessica and how painful it still is. It seems as if the emotions are right under the surface only to be awakened by the right stimulus. Today I watched a movie and a TV show where a loved one was lost. This rekindled my feelings of loss and that loss is still painful. The pain is just as real today as it was on August 5, 2001 as I watched the funeral home director remove my daughters lifeless body from our home on 159 Mapleridge Dr in Goose Creek SC.

It is still so hard to believe that we will not see our Jessica again this side of eternity. It is still so hard to believe how cancer changed our little girl right before our eyes. I was reminded that I need to light a candle for my "sunshine angel". I had not done that in a very long time. I guess the act of lighting a candle helped me in some way but it also reminded me of the truth of what has happened. Our lives will never be the same and even though Jessica is gone she will always be in our hearts, souls and minds.

We love you Jessica Ann Moffitt , You are our Sunshine!!

To move or not to move, that is the question. Today is April 4 and I am still under employed and over appreciated. How in the world did we get to this point? The economy apparently sucks in the Upstate and we are so happy that we moved here. NOT!!!

We have come to the conclusion that staying at 4 Broken Past Ct is not financially feasible since we do not have the income to support the rent payment. We need to drastically reduce our expenses and the biggie is the rent. Luckily for me the ex wife is being flexible with regards to child support but that cant slide forever. I need a job and I need it now. Katy and I both are looking for work and thus far there is nothing. Katy might be able to find something sooner than me since she has a degree. I would have never thought it would have taken this long for us to find employment.

Katy got up at 5 am and went to Walmart to pick up some boxes. We are surrounded in cardboard boxes now. Wahooooo! Now we have something to occupy our time. Filling boxes with our belongings. We may have to have a moving sale so that we can get rid of some of our stuff. Depending on where we move to we might not have enough room for all of this stuff. The last thing I want to do is sell what we have. In August of 1997 we sold everthing that we owned and put the rest in two vehicles and moved to Douglasville Ga. That was a mistake then and it is a huge mistake now. When you are in survival mode you do what you have to do I suppose. Survival mode on.....

The important thing is that we have one another. We will survive this. We always have and always will. This too shall pass. We just need to suck it up and do what we have to do to survive. One day at a time sweet Jesus, that is all we are asking from you. Just give us the way to do every day what I have to do. Yesterday is gone sweet Jesus and tomorrow may never be mine.... Familiar words that we have sung over and over through the years but singing is much easier than doing at this point.

Ok, now to look beyond our family and the immediate needs. The biggest thing that seems to be going on now is the war with Iraq. We are on day 15 now. By now I would imagine that our troops are in Baghdad going from house to house and building to building engaging in urban warfare to root out Saddam Hussein's elite guard. It appears that the best that the Iraqi goverment can come up with is sneak suicide attacks in the form of suicide bombers. Several cars have blown up at check points killing everyone inside including coalition troops. Those are the acts of terrorists and not a military response to our invasion. How sad that is.

On the church front it seems that we have found a church that we like and it is called Marathon Community Church. You can visit the church web site at http://www.marathonchurch.org We love the praise and worship, drama team and teaching. This church is following the "purpose driven church" model which is modeled after the church in California called Saddleback church. April 6th has a membership class 101 from 3pm until 5pm and I think that we are going to attend if we can.